Disposable
by EclipsedWonderland
Summary: The night after Elena's dance, she is quite confused. Yet, after a long discussion with the good brother, she is soon healed.


**A/N:** This is a short story about the night of Damon and Elena's dance. I have made the characters as relevent to the show as possible, but it is also my perception of them. This is my first fiction for The Vampire Diaries. I planned to leave this as a short story, but if anyone would be interested or has a suggestion for the continuation, please leave a review or PM me.

If you have any reviews/comments/complaints, please do review my fan fiction!

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**Disposable.**

**Written by: EclipsedWonderland**

**Inspired by: L.J Smith**

**Beta Read by: EclipsedWonderland**

A chilling breeze tingled down my spine as wind rushed through the open window. My brunette tidal waves clashed together in a dance that tickled my head. I always enjoyed the wind, the blissful careless thing that could extinguish all guilt, shame, and pain. I had abused this almost like a drug, I realized suddenly, from my parents to Jeremy to Stefan... To Damon. Too many things...

The wind's effect wore off suddenly.

Sighing quite heavily, I turned to face the guest bed room. Big mistake. The moment my eyes left the dark abyss of night, the images from the day came crashing down. First Stefan, the starving blood thirsty Stefan that I hadn't known... The one I had stabbed with a needle... The one I had hurt... But before the anguish conquered the land of my thought, I began to see a different light... A different set of eyes and a mischievous grin that led me to near breathlessness.

In the beginning, I had only been concerned about the one I had missed so, so much and worried over. But as soon as Damon held me, I had melted. Surprised? Hell yes, I was. Shock tormented my body even now. Fire had been set across my body and his too in that simple moment. The second that beautiful, pure smile had appeared on the face of one who's hurt so many... I fell to shambles. My fortress collapsed under Damon.

And that frightened me to no end.

More then Stefan's rage, his hunger... Damon frightened me. More over, my _feelings_ for Damon terrified me. What_ was_ Damon to me? Instantaneously, my mind offered up "good friend" but I knew that wasn't the truth. He was something more, the core of my bones could feel it. But Stefan, good, good Stefan... The one who would never turn away, never fight, never hate... That was my love, Stefan.

_He's too good, Elena._

For a split second, I thought of Damon invading the reaches of my mind but the heaviness of vervain demolished that hope in seconds. _He is too good... You are too bad. People don't know, Elena, but you are...._

I fought violently against the thought and set up a blockade. The blockade that had kept me sane through everything. My morals... My purity...

Trying to see what stood before me, I slipped off the simple blue dress and slipped on my most conservative pajamas: long fleece pants and a tank top... Unfortunately, the tank top showed a mid drift. I gazed at myself in the long mirror while brushing out my curls. A broken woman stared back, one that refused to let a tear fall because one tear would shatter the world.

A swift knock at the door through me off balance.

"Y-yes...?" I asked, surprised.

"You are taking an awfully long time, little Elena. My little brother was getting worried, as usual" Damon said coolly and sarcastically.

_You know damn well Stefan isn't even awake, Damon._ I thought angrily. In my little passion, I shoved the door open.

"You can tell him, _Damon_, that I am perfectly fine. I don't need_ your_ assistance." I replied hotly.

Damon smirked the smile that could steal a Christian girl's faith away.

"Just passing along the message."

This was his cue to leave, I knew it. He would. He'd run. What else could I expect? And sure enough, he began turning... But not so surely enough, my hand reached out and grabbed him upon the arm. I could have sworn I heard a gasp, though I doubt it was Damon's.

"Something else?" He asked arrogantly.

My instinct told me to tell him "no" and to roll my eyes at my own stupidity... My heart had other plans. A momentary battle took place before I said the word that was heard around the world.

"Yes, Damon... There is something else..." My voice was strong and controlled.

I dropped my eyes swiftly before he could gaze into them. I wouldn't have been able to stand it if he did. I was falling, reaching for Stefan... Stefan, my love... But constantly I missed his hand. _Just tell him thank you for today, that's all. Nothing more. He'll leave then._

I knew he could sense the mood, but the smirk didn't disappear, it merely widened. Yet, when I glanced up into his eyes, I could see something different. They were black and bottomless, they weren't in despair.... They were concerned? Pfft. Yea right.

Sighing again, I opened my door wider.

"Come in."

Of course, he instantly grasped the invitation and took to laying down on my bed just as he had done at my home. A small smile clawed it's way to my lips at the memory, a smirk came from Damon.

"What is it, little sweet Elena?" he said sarcastically.

"Today...." I chocked a bit and sat down, "Thanks. You really saved me out there and I just wanted to thank you I guess."

I glanced up at him and for a millisecond, I saw that smile I had witnessed in the dance. The smile that meant the world, it seemed. It could fill everything.

"Well, of course, I had to take care of you. You looked so very pitiful standing there, wanting to see my little brother at the bottom." His words turned from light sarcasm to near disdainful towards the end. Damon realized I had heard it a second later, it was obvious by his little surprised face. I turned towards him, wanting to help... Wanting to reach him like I did earlier, all former motivations forgotten.

"Why do you hate him, Damon?"

Damon cocked an eyebrow up as if to consider telling me the truth or not. His eyes returned to his hands and for the first time in a while, he was serious and considering.

"Because Katherine wanted him over me, even though I learned her ways and knew her. She was_ disposable_ to my little brother, not to me." His words were short cut, but it was the most I had ever gotten from Damon verbally. However, I also could sense he wasn't telling me everything. A little voice in my head screamed at me... He was hiding something. A strike of confidence impacted me.

"What are you hiding? That's not all of it." The words were out before I could take them back. Damon looked up again, a little boy for some milliseconds... A broken look of sadness crossed his face before he returned to a small smirk. Silence.

I shifted on the bed to face him better. For some moments, I studied his smirking face carefully...A realization slowly began to shape in my mind. He was struggling... So much more then.... Stefan. Damon, the one who always looked so careless and self confident, that Damon was actually suffering. He held loneliness in himself deeper then Stefan could ever reach, I realized quietly, He hid it though... Damon protected the ones he loved from his own pits of self loath. He hated himself more then Stefan could ever, ever imagine... Damon damned his existence each and everyday... He blamed himself for Katherine, he blamed Stefan, he blamed the whole damn world.

How the Hell did he live? More importantly, how the Hell had I figured that out?

A wave of sympathy washed over me in my epiphany. It had been there all along, Damon's suffering. Just no one paid him mind. Everyone was more comfortable in hating him, but... As I considered it, I thought of every person he had killed. Every single one had been for our protection since he came here. He was logical, concise, and smart. Damon did what needed to be done... He drank human blood and adapted because he had to. While Stefan denied, Damon adapted and controlled himself.

In a slow and silent motion, I grasped his hand. For a moment, I felt him resist... But then he relaxed slowly. The coolness shocked me, but it was nice against my overheated body.

"Damon... Tell me... You're only lonely because you tell no one anything, I can help you Damon...I can extinguish your lonlieness" I said, tears nearly forming in my eyes like iced droplets.

Again, he stared and considered, in a sluggish motion he sat up... All humor was drawn from his face. A glimpse of a lonely boy stared through his fathomless eyes.

"...You, Elena. You are just like Katherine. Stefan.," a silent rage pooled as he said the name, "Stefan is who you want, just like Katherine. Even though you are disposable to him, and not to me."

Again his words were short, and logical.

Before I could think I blurted, "I'm disposable to Stefan?"

I rage pulled Damon's eyebrows closely together. Swiftly now, he turned towards me and grabbed my shoulders.

"Yes! Yes, you are! Just like Katherine! She was just another pretty face to him, maybe you are more to him then that, Elena, but I promise you, the_ moment_ Stefan finds himself in intense danger he knows he can't get out of, he will run! That's what the bloody bastard _does_!" Damon wasn't shouting, but his voice was much louder then I had ever heard it.

...Yet I believed him...

When I thought back... How many times had Stefan _really_ put his life on the line for me? To the point where he didn't know if he would ever come back? Never, really. Yet, then I stared at Damon. Straight into the eyes of Damon. How many times had _he_ put his life down for me and the brother he hated so much? Multiple. The vampires in house... Damon hadn't known if he would get out then, did he? With so many older then him... He was probably sure he would die.

The tears descended now.

Freely, the tears dropped like a beautiful waterfall. They were silent, but the little stings they left opened a thousand flimsily healed wounds. It wasn't just Stefan now, it was my parents, it was Damon's sadness, it was Jeremy, it was Bonnie, it was this entire world that had screwed everything up.

Through blurry eyes, I gazed pitifully up at Damon.... His face was stone cold, but his eyes... Those eyes wanted to cry too. I simply nodded up at him before a wail escaped me painfully. A scream, shattered into fragments of octaves. Instantly, arms wrapped around me and smoothed my hair. My mind served up Stefan... My heart served up Damon. It was Damon who held me close when I needed to cry and be heard. For once, I wasn't helping the other, the other was helping me. My arms like claws climbed up the back of my Giver. Damon was muttering something about being "sorry", I didn't hear him. I just cried, cried, cried, cried... They weren't graceful tears anymore, they were body-shaking sobs.

Time passed, yet Damon never let go. He held and soothed me for what felt like hours. Finally, my body could endure no more and shook it's final tears away. Yet, I moved not an inch from Damon, I held him closer.

"T-Thank y-you, Damon..." I breathed shakily.

His response was a single nod that I felt against my neck. His cool hand continued to trace over my head, smoothing my hair and calming me. My breath slowed and finally, I moved reluctantly away to gaze at him.

I wasn't too surprised by what I saw written upon his face there. A true sad smile marked the weathered face of Damon. One that had seen too many deaths, too many lonely nights, too many... Hardships. Quickly I wiped tears away, smiling back at him. This was true Damon, the Damon that was always there when you absolutely needed him... But faded when you didn't. I could see him locking down, being ready to be stored away until needed.

Not this time. Through the epiphanies, I had discovered the true good brother... And the true "evil" one.

"Damon... Don't pull away from me, you said I wanted Stefan over you, right?" I said with a sad smile. Damon's eyes locked and froze, the masquerade beginning to take shape around him once again.

"Yes. That's fine, my little brother may do as he pleases." A smile flashed across Damon's face momentarily.

I nearly laughed as I shook my head, hand covering my forehead. An angry pulse was sent from Damon to me.

"You really don't get it, do you? Do you think for a second, Damon, that if it had been _you_ going crazy in the woods and Stefan had been you that he would go out of his way to dance with me? Despite what everyone in town would say? No. Stefan wouldn't have in your shoes. But Damon, you did... You are always there... And Stefan's there for the happiness, and yes some of the sadness..." His face was downcast at this, " But Damon," I grabbed his hand again, "You never back away... An you're wrong, I'm not like Katherine. Stefan isn't the brother I love best.... You are."

Damon couldn't have shielded the shock that etched itself into each line of his face had he wanted to. A true smile, that was saved especially for me I believe, marked his features now. Not a word erupted from his mouth, but sheer joy danced in those cold eyes. I kissed him gently on his cheek, but as I backed away he slipped his fingers around my chin. For moments, the world consisted only of Damon's dark eyes and then his lips were upon mine.

Kissing Stefan had nothing on this. A pure sweetness weld up in my body, an overload of sympathy and love. I didn't need anymore from Damon like I did of Stefan, this was enough. My hands had slipped through his dark silky hair and his had reached around the small of my back. Over and over, the fire exploded like an ever burning flame. I smiled as I kissed him and slowly he backed away.

Damon shook his head.

"No, Elena. I may hate my brother, but I will not take yo-"

"You aren't taking anything. I'm giving myself to you, I have a free will you know." I said smartly, smiling a smirk at him. Instantly, a smirk only Damon could administer formed upon his lips.

"In that case," He leaned in closely, "I would suggest you change. I _know_ you have other things in your wardrobe, Elena." His voice was a seductive charm. Chuckling a bit, I shook my head.

"Nope, you'll have to wait on that." A grin tainted my lips, "I'm not breaking Stefan wen he needs someone the most."

At first I expected anger, but Damon simply nodded and rose lightly, a smirk upon his face.

"Well, in that case, do sleep well", he leaned closer towards me, "Elena.." the last word was a mere whisper inches from my lips, but before I could say anything more Damon was gone and I was alone.

**The End.**


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